website statistics Sprizee :: A simple girl replete with complications: July 2004

Friday, July 30, 2004

I am stuck on Band-Aids© 'cause Band-Aids© stuck on me

Band-Aids are a great invention. I love putting on a fresh Band-Aid and yes, I realize that technically I should be saying bandages because Band-Aids is a copyrighted term, but people that point that out are the same types of people that point out it’s not a Klennex, it’s a tissue. Oh yea? Well, your not technically a dictionary, but you sure are a dork (and I should know because it takes one to know one). No one wants to hear it buddy. Anyways, like I was saying Band-Aids© are a great invention and I love them (except the plastic ones).

Plastic Band-Aids©, you can go to hell.

Seriously. STOP. WASTING. MY. TIME.

You’re not fooling anyone. If you’re not made of fabric, don’t even think of coming near my body because I know your kind. Your kind is the type that will only stick for about 15 minutes and then begin your rapid plot of peeling off my body, annoyingly so. I know you’re the only ones left in my company’s first aid kit because other people who shall remain unknown to me (Cowards! Hang your head in shame!) already took all the good fabric Band-Aids©. I know you are a waste of my time, my coworker's time and a complete and utter waste of space in our first aid kit. I’ve got half a mind to throw each and every one of your sorry little flimsy plastic souls away in a defiant standing of my ground, you know, the one in which I tell you and all your sub par peeling friends to kiss my ass.

But that would be all too easy. Instead I’ll leave you where you are and wait for my coworkers to discover how annoying you little plastic bastard can be. That’ll teach ‘em...or something like that.

Sorry, this may just be the worst post ever. It had potential right? Humor me, ok? But somewhere towards the end it all fell apart. If only I wasn’t such a lazy brat, I might have had the heart to pull it together.

Too bad this isn’t a choose your own adventure. My brainpower is severely deficient today.


Keen on Keane

I found out this morning that Keane is going to be playing at the Showbox in September. I promised myself I'd never return to that death trap of a club but I'm breaking my own rule in light of this new information.

I don't have much more to say, but I'm also posting this because I'm sick of staring at the last post. So on that note, let me just also say that I've haven't been listening to Keane's Hopes and Fears lately much, not because I don't really like it (because I do, honest!), but more because it has the same effect on me as listening to Coldplay. It makes me reflective and melancholy and I'm trying really, really hard to just be happy and live in the moment. At times, that's easier said than done.

At any rate, a good girlfriend called last night unexpectedly. She wanted to go out for drinks but pathetic little ol' me was already in my pjs by 10.30 last night. So we just chatted for a while. It's friends like that help you keep things in perspective.

Note to self: Buck up! Snap out of it! Pull yourself together girl! Oh, and keep it up with all that Pink!....um, maybe not.

Oh, and my favorite song by Keane? Why, that would have to be Bedshaped but the whole album is good. And for the record I don't think they sound anything like Coldplay, just have the same kind of lilting, melancholy feel.

Thursday, July 29, 2004

Agony is...

Missing someone who doesn't miss you.

A memory sparked by some seemingly ordinary event that tugs on your heart and starts a chain reaction that leaves you with only a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach and a numb void of regret and confusion about the future.

Wondering when the tears will finally stop.

Thinking that perhaps they never will.

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Seattle Photos

You ask. I deliver.

Sprizee at the base of the Space Needle
Okay, the Space Needle may be a little taller than 12 feet. Then again, maybe I'm only 5 inches tall.

There are also some Seattle Library Photos hiding somewhere on this site but I'm not telling exactly where, except that I just did.

My one, my only, my everything. Starbuck Corporate. I used to work within walking distance of this building, but that's a story for another day.

Safeco Field at night. This was before they started losing games left and right. I miss Lou Pinella.

Pike Place is a pretty interesting place to see some interesting stuff. Exactly what escapes me at the moment. You're just going to have to trust me on this one.

Contrary to popular opinion the Space Needle really isn't that tall. It's only 12 feet high. I, for one, don't see what all the fuss is about.

Experience Music Project otherwise known as EMP or that weird shiny blob that no one quite knows what to think about.

We don't have cars in Seattle. Everyone either bikes or takes a ferry anywhere they go.

Fremont (just north of downtown Seattle) has a statue of Lenin. It's for sale, too.

I can't go for that (no can do)

I can't think. I can't function like this. The office mate is fine, but trying to wrap my brain around Offshore Outsourcing and write an article on it while listening to her interview someone over the phone simply isn't going to work EVER. This situation decidedly stinks.

At one point, I realized I was plugging my ears with my hands and trying to type at the same time. Dude, I'm pathetic...yet too lazy to walk down to my car to get my headphones...which I guess makes me even more pathetic (if that's possible).

When's recess?



Tuesday, July 27, 2004

When I grow up I wanna be the Plant Lady?

I just realized my company pays someone to come in to water the plants. That is all. That is all she does. Sure, I’ve seen her in the office before but I never really thought about this before now. Why the fuck do we need to pay someone to water the fucking plants?

Excuse me. Perhaps I should have prefaced my rant with the following facts. Fact #1: My office has 20 people. Fact #2: We only have 5 plants. Fact #3: There is no three. My office only has 20 fucking people and 5 fucking plants!

Why the hell are we paying someone outside of those 20 people to water those plants??? Hey, if the owner really has a thing for giving money to the Plant Lady, then I’ll step up. I can be the Plant Lady for my office because, after all, lord knows I could use another source of income on the salary they pay me.

Seriously. Next time I see the Plant Lady I’m going to kick her in shins, grab the watering can, steal that $20 in her pocket that’s rightfully mine and send her packing. And that, my friends, is the kind of justice I hand out on a daily basis (in my head).

P.S. Attention person who found my site based on the following google search: "your * fist in your mouth", You scare me. I hope you've already vacated the premises. Seriously. Are you still here? Scat!

Monday, July 26, 2004

Posting photos just because I can

The weekend highlights

Friday was spent at Blue C Sushi enjoying Happy Hour and at El Camino enjoying more food, drinks and a wicked Coconut Cake desert that is not to be missed. Truly.

Saturday was spent at Seahawks Stadium watching Chelsea kick the crap out of Celtic. Too bad it was so fucking hot that I could barely even remember my first name, let alone where the car was parked or how to operate my point and shoot camera.

Sunday was spend in glorious, wonderful, beautiful Ballard gazing at young families with dogs and old people with character, real honest "been liv'n in this neighborhood for over 40 years and if you weren't the dumb ass who stopped looking for a house to buy months ago you'd have a chance to steal it out from under me once I kick the bucket" kind of folks. Man, it makes me want to throw my hands up in the air, flip off Europe, kiss my travel plans goodbye and settle down with a little, rotten, dilapidated 300k house in dire need of a fix'n. I'd enclose it with a white picket fence...and a lot of love.

But I digress. Without further ado...Internet, Ballard Photos. Ballard Photos, Internet.


Sunday in Ballard



Old People Singing



Seafood Festival



Fresh Produce



Best Foot Forward



Ballard & 20th Ave NW



Let's Monorail!



Ballard Farmers Market

Review: A Walk Across America

I finished up A Walk Across America last night.

I laughed. I cried. It was good. You should read it too.

Hey, I don't want to spoil it for you.

Bow down before the one you serve

I don't know what you want from me! Do I need to sacrifice something? Why don't you just leave me alone, mean and wicked God of Horrible Mondays! Seriously.

You miserable bitch. I know you're "all powerful" and still "very much having your way with me" and "don't care whether or not I become insane" and "your sole purpose on this earth is to aggravate me to no end" but seriously, could you pretty please with sugar on top step the fuck off? Today, this Monday, you've gone too far.

My computer crashed, I spilled juice on myself, and the first 3 computers in the training center that I attempted to logon to each had their own special problem. Computer #1 worked just fine but danged if I didn't check to make sure it had a mouse before I started to use it. I know lots of keyboard equivalents but those only got me so far. No mouse equals me having to find another computer to use. Computer #2 had a mouse, and I know because I double checked before I started it up, however it didn't have an Internet connection and anybody who's anyone knows that you can't work on a computer without an Internet connection. You might as well just get out the old pen and paper if you don't have an Internet connection. No Internet connection equals me having to find another computer. I cauticously approached Computer #3 making sure it had both a mouse and an Internet connection. Then I realized some of the keys on the keyboard didn't work. A semi-functioning keyboard on Computer #3 equals me about to lose all sense of sanity.

After wasting a good two hours accomplishing approximately nothing, the Network guy came over to let me know my computer was functioning once again and also he had given me a much larger memory card. You hear that? I got something good out of it, so take that you stupid {insert mean degoratory slur right here} God of Horrible Mondays!

P.S. I just rotated my computer monitor after typing the above and smashed my pinkie between the 400lb. monitor and the stand.

Yea, that sounds about right.

Picture this font dripping into pools like melted candle wax

The heat, my God, the heat.

Please.

MAKE. IT. STOP.

Friday, July 23, 2004

Ballard Seafood Festival

Click to learn more about beer, fish, seafood...Ya betcha!

I'm so there.

Thursday, July 22, 2004

Put this at the top of your To Do List:

you know, right after the listing for "make sure all comments I leave on this blog are relevant* to the post"...

I'm currently boring myself, struggling to write an article for the local Chamber of Commerce on the hot topic of the moment, are you ready for this??? Offshore Outsourcing! Exciting, huh? Yea, I know. *Yawn*

If anyone has time burning a hole in their calendar and they want to do some freelance** work, let me know.

*References to David Hasselhoff are always relevant to any post.

**Let me break that down for you. That's "free", as in I'm not going to pay you for your work and "lance", as in I'll find a guy named Lance that will thank you for your assistance on my little project.

Don't all rush me at once. Rest assured I will give thoughtful and careful consideration to each and every relevant article received (yes, of course that includes David Hasselhoff articles although for the record I would prefer you just do my work for me and send me an Offshore Outsourcing story, thank you very much).

Goodbye office. I'll miss you more than you'll ever know.

What? No, I'm not getting fired and I didn't quit my job. I'm still gainfully employed.

It's just that my whole office is moving around and I'm unhappy to report I'm moving out of my lovely little personal office with windows (that open! two of them!) into a new slightly larger office (hooray!) that I'll have to share with another person (boo!).

I'm hoping my office mate and I will get on well. After all, she seems pleasant enough. I just she hopes enjoys listening to Justin Timberlake, The Pixies, Michael Buble, The Cure, and Franz Ferninand at nausea, otherwise we're going to run into some major issues, namely, me becoming very grumpy.

Oh well, we're the same age which is cool. No one wants to share an office with someone twice their age. She's tall, blond and skinny as a toothpick. And did I mention she's German and has quite the accent? Guys seem to really dig that accent! I think they start playing a Nazi dominatrix fantasy in their head whenever she opens up her mouth. I don't think I have to tell you that no one should have to share an office with that kind of a girl. It's just not fair to have to deal with an office mate who's hotter than yourself on a daily basis.

The only glimmer of hope for me in an otherwise which is certain to be bleak office existence moving forward will revolve around if previously mentioned guys in my office start replacing the Nazi fantasy with a lesbian fantasy about the 2 of us. Nah, I'm screwed. Plus, no more blasting whatever music I want to listen to whenever I want to listen to it. This sharing thing decidedly stinks.

Clearly, I am an only child.

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Hear that?

That's the sound me throwing in the towel, admitting defeat, jumping on the band wagon (the one with all those screaming pre-teen girls) and grooving to tunes of Mr. Justin Timberlake. Double take not necessary. You heard right people. I'm admiting I LIKE JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE'S JUSTIFIED. A LOT. A scary thought, I know. Hey, you're not the only scared one here. I'm scared too. Hold me?

Hopefully the following information will make this pill a little easier to swallow. (It won't, but for my sake, just play along.) I never was able to distinguish between N'Sync and The Backstreet Boys and I still don't know which one Justin belongs to. Don't do it people! I don't want to see any comments clarifying that issue.

The point is, I don't know which band he belongs to and further more I don't care. N'Sync and The Backstreet Boys both suck. Mr. JT, on the other hand, kicks some serious ass and I'm offering up some major props to him for a) not lip syncing on his debut album and/or in concert and b) for making Justified in a style reminiscent of Michael Jackson's Off The Wall, you know, before Michael went all wack and started hanging out with little boys way too much and looking like a white woman.

The sad thing is now that I've mentioned Michael Jackson, I have this horrible sinking feeling that all the comments are going to revolve around him, which we all know is only going to quickly lead to things that are most certainly sick and perverse. Again, I must ask that you people muster up a little restraint. Any monkey can make snide remarks about Michael "Likes Little Boys" Jackson.

Screw it. Who am I to speak? I just admited I like a former boy band star. That, people, leaves me with approximately zero latitude in which to pass judgements and/or offer up suggestions on what is and is not acceptable behavior here or any place else for that matter.

So, in summary, I say, give Mr. JT a chance or as Justin says in Rock Your Body, "Don't be so quick to walk away"...

P.S. Britney Spears is an talentless lip syncing bitch who should go straight to hell, without passing go or collecting $200. Justin, clearly, can do much better.

Random Facts Vol. III

I’m wary of anyone who doesn’t enjoy, not just appreciate but truly enjoy, Bob Marley’s music. Or maybe it's just that Bob reminds me of Hawaii because I listened to Bob non-stop while in Maui. I probably could have been listening to country music, and loved it just as much, because Hawaii is just that magical. Hawaii, let's run away together, k? Holy Crap! Did I just make a country music reference? There's no place left to go but up...and for the record, I HATE COUNTRY MUSIC.

If you choose to drive in front of me and we are in the left hand lane on a freeway (otherwise know as the FAST lane) and you also choose to drive at a speed LESS than the speed limit I will forever hate you. That, and you’ll cause my blood pressure to boil over to a temperature on a cartoon thermometer labeled "crazy mad". I’m just one more idiot driver away from going insane people. I am NOT to be messed with today. Seriously.

I'm currently trying to figure out ways in which to convince my company to send me to India for a month to "work" this fall. I need me some travel'n and I'm not above making up reasons why I need to visit our India office. If you've got any semi-credible reasons you think I can use, please send them my way. I may get stuck paying for my plane ticket, but I'm okay with that since I know the company will be paying for everything else (of course, that's complete crap since you can stay in a 5 star hotel in India and eat like a king for less than $5 a day but whatever). I'm desperate to travel without quiting my job so I'm seriously considering it.

What about Europe you ask? I'm thinking next spring of 2005 instead of this fall. I've been known to change my mind once or twice before. Then there's the I'd rather not quit my job if I don't have to aspect of things. Somehow I've become addicted to being able to feed, cloth and shelter myself. I know, it's silly. Stupid reality. Why must you taunt me!

I have a subscription to the Christian Science Monitor. No, I’m not a Christian Scientist and here’s why. I’ll never be able to give up my preoccupation with silly things like going to the doctor and taking medicine when I’m sick. I’m odd like that. It’s just an excellent newspaper. You can read it for free online at www.csmonitor.com.

I’d love to go camping this weekend but I’ve already got plans to see The Celtic vs. Chelsea soccer game at Seahawks Stadium on Saturday which is going to totally kick! (No phun intended. What? That phun was totally intended. Ha!).

Some people have way too much free time on their hands. (Right, like I’m one to talk.) Which reminds me, I didn’t make any New Years Resolutions because a) I’m lazy b) I’m lazy and c) did I mention that I’m lazy? But while up in Vancouver I bought some stickers in Chinatown and I briefly thought about making a Midyears Resolution to use more stickers. Unfortunately, in case you hadn’t heard, I’m lazy, so, needless to say, that never went anywhere. By the way, the stickers that I bought in Chinatown, they’re still sitting in my yet to be unpacked bag. I told you I was lazy.

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Nap Time

Dear Mr. ProClub,

You are charging me a ridiculous monthly fee to be a member of your prestigious little club (an amount which shall remain a mystery in order to protect the stupid, namely me). And since I am a member of said pompous club, I see it as my personal duty to inform you that I think it's total crap that you don't have a nap room. And you call yourself a health club! Shame on you.

Hurry up and get that nap room built. You don't think I joined so that I could get into shape do you? Don't be silly. I simply don't deal well sitting on 520 in traffic. People who drive in the fast lane going 10 mph under the speed limit make me a little road ragey; same thing with just sitting on 520 parking lot style. I get a little postal, if you know what I mean. So get mov'n. The nap room isn't going to build itself.

Sincerely,
Sprizee

P.S. If you see some girl in the spa passed out in exhaustion from another grueling day at work, let her be. She is, most certainly, NOT to be disturbed.

P.S.S Here's my Totally Out There Tuesday post...If things don't start looking up in the next 10 minutes, I'm going to have to resort to propping my eyelids open with paperclips. Just between you and me, I'm not looking forward to that eventuality.

P.S.S.S. Happy Birthday Deron. I still think you're a punk.

Monday, July 19, 2004

Thanks for playing

Last time I handed out points to my friends, if I remember correctly, Deron walked away with 75 big ones.

Since then the following has occured.

He asked me, repeatedly mind you, to invite him to a bbq. I obliged. He accepted. I doublechecked the date with him. Again, he confirmed it.

Then he cancelled on me.

So listen up Deron!

You gave me a lame excuse. Move back 2 spaces, lose a turn and deduct 500 points.

That is all.

P.S. Wanna play poker?

Update: It's official. My poor helpless blog's comments have been hijacked by a bunch of juvenile delinquents. My apologies. Avert your eyes.

Random Facts Vol. II

I just downed a bottle of beer* at work for lunch.

The God of Horrible Mondays is still very much alive, kicking and having her way with me.

This weekend, I went over to Port Orchard to help one of my family members move lots of heavy furniture. I've very, very tired and sore, sore, sore but as J-Dog will have you know, in family, no one gets left behind. {Insert his man tears here.}

Sunday the bbq on my roof deck quickly turned into a poker tournament in which I rapidly schooled everyone and dubbed myself "Poker Player Who Is Guaranteed To Shamelessly Take All Your Money And Leave You Huddled On The Floor In The Fetal Position In A Puddle Of Your Own Drool and/or Tears". Trust me, it'll never be just "or". It'll ALWAYS be "AND". Too bad there wasn't any real money involved. Next time people JUST. YOU. WAIT.

I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever write an actual post again or just keep listing random crap.

Guess I'll just have to wait and see.

I have a farmer's suntan from sitting ouside most of yesturday in a short sleeved shirt. Needless to say, it's not a good look.

*Technically, it was a root beer but if it helps, I pretended like it was just a beer even though it clearly was not.

I know, that doesn't help.

Update: I love you Daily Show. Marry me?

Across the Universe

Listening to The Beatles this morning...
Pools of sorrow waves of joy are drifting through my open mind.

I ran into an old friend today. We didn't say anything to each other. Just acted like we'd never met. We might as well be strangers.  I kind of wish we were.


Friday, July 16, 2004

Fortunate

I just ate another fortune cookie. 
 
Get it?  Fortune? Ate?  Fortunate? (Man, sometimes I'm blown away by my own witt!) 
 
It says, "An admirer is too shy to greet you."
 
Fess up.  I know it's you.


Michael, do you think that's wise?

Tomorrow marks the birthday of "a man who does not exist" namely one Mr. David Hasselhoff.

And in honor of said occasion, I think it's only right for me to remind you once again why Kit and Michael make such a great team but I'm too lazy for that right now so this is going to have to do instead... Knight Rider Theme

You're welcome.

If you don't like this post, blame Johnny.

(What?  You thought that last post was too random? Please. My talents for being random are vast, vast, vast. Vast? That's a word, right?)

Random Facts

My office got Chinese food for lunch yesturday and I'm not ashamed to say I took more than my fair share of fortune cookies. 
 
Last night I watched Celebrity Poker Showdown after downing a Strongbow at the Ravenna Ale House in less than 10 minutes.  We had to keep turning the tv volume up higher and higher to drown out our conversation so we could catch all conversation and commentary on the tv.  I don't know why we didn't realize we could just shut the fuck up.  Oh, yes I do...because we were all drunk.
 
This morning I didn't get in the office until 10am.
 
My skirt is way too fucking short, however, I didn't realize this until I sat down in my car and by then I was way too late and much too lazy to go back to my apt and change into something else.  I am, however, proud to report I'm not sporting an ounce of Pink! today.
 
I've probably done about 5 minutes of work since I got in this morning.
 
I'll probably only do one full hour of work by the time I leave this evening.
 
Then I'm going to the gym to run like I've never run before (for the first 5 minutes, then I'll run for about 15 more minutes until I get bored with it and stop).
 
This may just be my worst post ever. 
 
I'm bored.  Entertain me with a comment...or 10. 
 
I'm in dire need of some caffeine, a vacation and a crew of people to keep me in line.

Thursday, July 15, 2004

Vancouver, BC Photos

Despite no help from you people Vancouver was, in a word, FABULOUS! (And in case you're playing along at home and keeping score, please note the following: Recommendations left by people who can just pick up the phone and call me don't count; neither do suggestions given after I have already returned from my trip.)


Robson Street

Food/drinks:

Earl's on Top on Robson
Lunched here Saturday and then closed the bar out Sunday night

The Lennox Pub
Had a few drinks here Saturday night and then watched Euro 2004 here Sunday

Cactus Club Cafe
Dined here Saturday night

Cafe Presto Panini
Lunched here Monday

Templeton Diner
Dined here Sunday night and had to school the waitress just to get my CapeCod because, apparently, in Canada it's called a VodkaCran and if you ask them to make you a CapeCod they'll look at you funny and you'll start to wonder what the hell just happened and why they're not moving towards the liquor...it's just vodka and cranberry juice with a lime...time's a waste'n...NOW MOVE IT!


A few elite members of The Dork Squad



Danny and his dirty martini, Seth and me (well, my pink sweatered arm) I think I might be highfiving someone or something or, more likely, the air. In the bar of the Cactus Club Cafe waiting for our table. We waited for over an hour but no worries, the drinks were flowing early and often.


Then the bill came. Jesus Almighty! Seth, are you sure that isn't my Amazon wishlist?


Thankfully Rachel knows how to keep things in perspective.


Flip to the next day...Mmmm, frapaccino. One of the many wonderful things I had to go all the way to a foreign country to discover, which is particulary ironic seeing as how a) I live in Seattle and b) it was from Starbucks. Note the shoes.


This picture pretty much sums it all up. Those shoes on my feet were purchased in Chinatown for $5 after the shoes that I had purchased the previous day for over $100 in Vancouver had left my feet severely blistered. Why do I always insist on lying to myself, rationalizing $140 Canadian will only work out to $6 US and a couple packs of Chicklets? Yes, the exchange is in my favor but not that much in my favor. The bags in my hand are from Starbucks and one of the many clothing euro-trash clothing stores we encountered on our journey where I purchased a sweater I didn't need, among other things. Allegedly.

Here are a few of the places where much damage was done (allegedly):
Blue Ruby's
Mexx
Zara

Number of Pink! items purchased:
1 Pink! Cat's Eye Stone Sterling Necklace
1 Pink! Cat's Eye Stone Pair of Earings
1 Pink! Shirt

And I'm not even mentioning the red linen skirt I bought which, really if you think about it, is pretty much just a darker version of Pink! or the before mentioned shoes which are embroidered with a number of colors including, you guessed it, Pink!

Project "you should have an intervention on my behalf because no one person should own this much Pink!" is in dire need of a launch.

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Seriously, no one knows how tall Phil Gordon is?

People, this kind of a question is, I'm sure, just what Al Gore had in mind when he invented the Internet.

Don't you think we owe it to him to use his tool to its full advantage?

Get your mind out of the gutter. When I said "his tool", I was referring to the Internet.

Nevermind.

I get by with a little help from my friends

I judge my friends based on a simple, yet elegant, point system. After all, I'm nothing, if not fair.

Headstart for Happiness gets 500 points because, knowing full well that I don't have cable, she offered to tape I love the 90s just for me. Now that's what I call a dedicated friend! (and also, because she sends me emails that literally make me laugh out loud every single day, like this one..."I just went to the record store and bought this really cool LP, but I left it in the sun in my car, and it got wharped. Fuck my existence!")

Steve gets 125 points because he ripped me a copy of Kathy Griffith's The D-List which I watched last night and basically peed myself laughing more than I've laughed in quite a while. My sides hurt. I WANT MORE!

J-Dog gets 225 points for entertaining me on a daily basis with funny observations on his blog. Oh, and also for making some uber cool mixed CDs, all completely legal and fully licensed, of course. (wink, wink)

Deron gets 75 points for giving me the hot tip to not rush right out and buy tickets for The Cure/Interpol Show at The Gorge. He said they'd probably go on sale 2 for 1 unless it completely sold out, which last time I checked was bound to happen in approximately never. Well, what do you know? Yesturday tickets were 2 for 1! I guess that means it's my turn to bring the black face paint.

The Dork Squad (you know who you are) gets 475 points for causing my eyes to roll back in my head and making me laugh simultaneously. And for making sure I'm never thirsty, and providing me with hours and hours of crazy music to listen/dance to...for fremont fair wandering, vancouver stubbling, starbucks frapaccino walking, amsterdam cafe loitering, lake stevens bbq'ing, just no doubt these kind of friends are priceless, good times.

I don't, however, keep a running tally because that would not be fair and also because I've got a very short term kind of memory.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

Seattle Library Photos

Click to be magically whisked away to a new place where you'll be able to view lots and lots of boring photos that you could care less about.  Or maybe not?  Let's see!

That's me (more specifically, my backside), so this photo is really a tribute, if you will, to Stephen's post about his ass. Then again, what isn't?

Click on me to be magically whisked away to a new place where you'll be able to view lots and lots of boring photos that you could care less about. Or maybe not? Let's see!

Or you can just view these professionaly taken photos.

Hey, I aim to please.

You're welcome.

Pollster

I can sum up George W. Bush's presidency in five words:

"Liar, liar pants on fire"

What five words would you choose to sum it up?

P.S. "His ass needs to go" was a close second.

P.S.S. "Not gonna be fooled again" was a distant third.

Monday, July 12, 2004

Worshiping at the alter of architecture...

and literature since 7-11 (the date, not the store) But more on that later, first things first.

The God of Horrible Mondays is still having her way with me. I tried to login to my hotmail account this morning, only to find out that apparently, "This server is too busy." Oh, you mean this server, the one which I'm trying to access to view my what I'm sure can only be described as very important email, you know, like "Get out of the doghouse! Buy 12 roses and get 12 free!" from 1-800-FLOWERS. Great! Now what the hell am I suppose to do for the next 8 hours to keep myself entertained?

Actually, if I'm really going to be honest, I can't blame her for this one. Hotmail goes down ALL THE TIME. I think once it even went down because I sneezed too loudly.

Hotmail, you can go to hell.

And now that MSN messenger no longer forces you to use a Microsoft email account, I'm even more inclined to ditch hotmail all together. However, switching to another email address would require notifying my friends of the change, and some work, all be it minor work (it's still work none the less), work which I'm not looking forward to doing and therefore I'm sure I'll just stick with hotmail for now because let's face it, I'm pretty damn lazy.

Regardless, I don't like hotmail. Not. One. Bit.

I won't even mention the "feature" within hotmail where when you click on a link in your email it causes the link to redirect thru a hotmail.com URL. Those bastards!


At any rate, here's that quick weekend recap you've been no doubt waiting for all day long...

Friday night was spent at Pies and Pints in Roosevelt and later on at the newly renovated Ravenna Tavern. I think I'm going to start frequenting this joint more often seeing as how they have Strongbow and Boddingtons on tap. Oh Strongbow, how I love you, let me count the ways...one, yummy...two, yummy...three, yummy...four, yu...well, you get the point.

Saturday was filled with bbqs in Lake Stevens (okay, just one really) and then dinner later that evening at some Italian place in Roosevelt, the name of which currently eludes me...Olympia's?...where I dined with G.W.'s number one supporter among others.

Sunday I finally carted my ass down to the new Central branch library in downtown. Innovative architecture, free books, maps, CDs, and DVDs - What more could a girl ask for? Good gawd almighty, I think I've found my new santuary. I'm pretty much considering my new library card an all access pass to claim any and all spots in the library as my personal domain and start the move in of my bed and tv and couch and such. Finally, my tax dollars went towards something that I'll actually be able to use!

P.S. Who wants to take bets about which pictures will get posted first, Vancouver or the Seattle Public Library shots? You fools. It's a trick question. I'll never get around to posting either. No, kidding again. What, you thought I was serious? Don't be silly. Hopefully I'll get around to posting one or the other (or both!) soon. My fingers may be crossed. Until then, you can always go here.

Friday, July 09, 2004

Phil Gordon can deal me a royal flush anytime

So last night I went over to Headstart for Happiness's house to watch me some poker courtesy of Bravo! and what I would affectionately refer to as some semi-celebrities.

The Cast:

Richard Kind Deep down I know you're not the lovable harmless big guy that you try to pass yourself off as. I know you're really a big jerk and someone that shouldn't be left alone in a room with children under the age of 12. And that thing about being able to fit your entire fist in your mouth...well, that's just down right creepy.

Jerry O'Connell I remember you from Stand By Me with your chubby little cheeks and rolls of fat. You were so sweet and harmless but now, my friend, you have turned frat boy - all the way and it's pretty immature and annoying. I'm not even going to mention that you were in that crap they called a movie, Kangaroo Jack. That said, I wouldn't kick you out of the bed. Call me!

Jennie Garth I grew up right along side you. You dated Dylan and Brandon and I daydreamed about being just as cool and slutty as you. But now I've come to my senses. You're too pretty. I hate you. Go away. 9-0-2-1-NOOOooooooo! Don't give me that look.

Willie Garson Who? Sex in the City? Sorry, I don't have HBO. Apparently, my intellectual growth has been severely stunted due a lack of Sex in the City viewing. I'm not opposed being adopted as a charity case. Please send DVDs or money now. Preferrably money.

Dave Navarro Please, please, please for the love of God would you please do us all a favor and shave off that beard. It's way too fuzzy. Beards aren't meant to be fuzzy at least not in my book. Other than that I think you rule, I mean you kicked ass at poker ...oh and then there's the marrying Carmen Electra thing. I think I speak for everyone here when I say thank you from the bottom of my heart for preventing her from marrying Dennis Rodman more than once. Hey, whatever happened to Dennis anyways? Nevermind. I don't want to know.

The Hosts:

Dave Foley Kids in the Hall would be enough to forever keep you in the book of cool however you're still as funny as ever (despite being on NewsRadio. I'm sorry but for the most part that show sucked). Plus you're Canadian! Dude, you rule and you know it.

Phil Gordon Looking for a new protege? I'm your girl.

If anyone out there knows how tall Phil is I NEED to know. From what I could tell from the TV he looked a good foot taller than everyone else. I'm thinking dating someone that tall could have some serious advantages. I wouldn't mind seeing Phil's poker face if you know what I mean...and I think you do.

Thursday, July 08, 2004

Don't mind him. He's with me.

I’m happy to report that I ran into my perspective while on holiday in Vancouver, BC. We had quite the time too! Who knew I’d have to go ALL THE WAY to a foreign country to find him, but that’s where he was--on a sugary caffeine high, continuously medicating himself with heavy doses of alcohol and shopping. Now that’s someone with the right sorts of priorities!

And we’ve come to agreement. He’s sticking with me, at least for a while, thank the lawd, as long as I stick with the plan we’ve agreed upon.

THE PLAN
  • Cut out all the Coldplay, Keane, Cure, and Vanilla Sky from my listening diet until further notice. Replace with heavy doses of Franz Ferdinand.


  • Have more bbqs on the roof of my apartment building.


  • Spend more time with my close friends.


  • Take lots of mini weekend vacations this summer to places including but not limited to the following: Portland, OR; Victoria, BC; Eastern Washington; More suggestions are welcome…


  • Get up the nerve to ask for 2 months off of work by, and this is vital, next week so I can travel around Europe this fall. And when they laugh in my face and ask me if I’m joking, stand strong and be willing to quit. Sure, this job is pretty cool but I think you and I both know that going to Europe this fall would be much MUCH cooler.
Wish me luck.

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

I don’t think I need to tell you that this movie has the potential to kick some serious ass.

Johhny Depp, beautifully weird ass sets, over-the-top makeup, and David Kelly (Remember him from Waking Ned Devine…No? Okay fine! No more obscure references for you!)

Tim Burton, you never cease to amaze me (except for that one time with Big Fish).

Big Fish, you can go to hell.

I know, everyone else liked it, and as much as I wanted to like it I DIDN’T. Let’s face it. That film sucked ass. I thought it was boring, but worse not only boring but boring and stupid…and that sucks, I mean that really sucks and makes absolutely no sense because it had all the right ingredients for me to fall in love with it and true to form like everything else I’ve ever fallen in love with, commence stalking, twenty-four seven three sixty five.

I mean, I love Ewan McGregor, I love Tim Burton sets and I love every other Tim Burton film, including the ones that everybody else complains about like Batman and Legend of Sleepy Hollow, but while watching Big Fish in the theater I wanted to die because I was so bored out of my mind. I leaned over to my friend and whispered I was going to need a couple more drinks to finish watching the movie and I had already had two and if you know anything about me (which you probably don’t so I better explain) then you know that at the mere glance at a glass of wine my cheek flush red, I start to get dizzy and I begin to slur my words. I’m what you’d call a cheap date.

At any rate, Mad props to Tim Burton AND his artistic genius, despite Big Fish sucking more ass than any other film has ever sucked ass before and yes, I do believe porn should be included in that countdown because Big Fish would still win. Hands down.

So in summary.
Big Fish = Bad
Tim Burton = Good
But wait, since Tim Burton directed Big Fish that means Tim Burton = Big Fish which would imply that Big Fish = Good and Tim Burton = Bad?

Fuck, now I’m all confused. Move along, nothing to see here.

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

Finally an epiphany which doesn't involve my hips in any way, shape or form

This weekend I had an epiphany of the shoe variety. I figured out that the one thing that’s missing in my life (besides a job that includes 3 day weekends 4 times a month) is some comfy black leather Mary Janes. I know, I know…I don’t even want to hear it, so don’t start. Hey, what did I just say? Seriously, stop.

First the Pink! thing and now this. What the hell is up with me? Wait, don’t answer that.

I don't think the world is ready for this much cuteness. I know I'm not.

Yet. Can't. Stop.

Dear of God of Horrible Mondays,

In spite of the fact that it technically is Tuesday today, I know it was you this morning, you know, putting thoughts in my head about excuses I could use to call in sick, like say...I'm "sick"...or my car won't start...or the good ol'standby of I'll be working from home today (okay technically this isn't "calling in sick" but still, no work, therefore it still counts). But I resisted and got my ass out of bed.

I begrudgingly hopped in the shower. Self, I said to myself, the God of Horrible Mondays, ain't got noth'n on you. You're invinsible! You go girl!

But damn if the God of Horrible Mondays isn't a vindictive bitch because no sooner had I doused myself with water and soap that I heard the fire alarm going off. I tried to ignore it for a couple minutes but apparently everyone was evacuating the building because there was indeed a fire.

So dripping and naked I hurriedly put on a few clothes and ran out the door. There I stood cold and wet. Then the fireman gave us the all clear and let us go back in the building because apparently there was no fucking fire to begin with.

Damn you God of Horrible Mondays. You're good. A little too good.

I will never doubt your powers again.

Saturday, July 03, 2004

Sleepless

Thinking about things I shouldn't be thinking about. I can't stop. I wish I could. I CAN'T SLEEP and I need to be up in less than 5 hours. Fuck! Remind me again why I agreed to leave for BC at 8am ON A SATURDAY?

Oh and if you see my perspective running around, not playing nice with others and knocking children down, will you please, please, please have him give me a call. He doesn't know it yet but he needs me just as much as I need him. Perspective is quite the swell fellow, that is, when he's with you.

Friday, July 02, 2004

Oh, the horror!

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Last Update: 7/2/2004 4:06:00 PM Pacific Time (GMT -8:00)


This is SO sad.

By the way, Marlon Brandon kicked the bucket. No suprise there.

What gives Internet?

All I asked for were some simple suggestions on where to go while visiting Vancouver, BC. And the results? Not a one. Fine, be that way! I know you're out there people. It can't possibly be that you don't have any suggestions, can it? Well, don't worry. I didn't really want your stupid suggestions anyway. And another thing! Don't expect to see any photos or hear any wild tales about all the debauchery that was had this weekend. I'm keeping it all to myself.

SERVES. YOU. RIGHT.

I'm sorry. I was upset. I take it back. I didn't really mean it.

So...any suggestions?

C'mon, don't make me beg. It won't be pretty.

Thursday, July 01, 2004

Google can suck it

So I went to google.com with hopes that I'd see a "Canada Day" version of the Google logo, you know, it being CANDADA DAY and all but no...no suck luck. I'm sure they'll have a Fourth of July version (insert eye rolling here).

Listen up Google. You can suck it. I hate you.

P.S. You still kick ass for searches.

P.P.S I didn't really mean it. I love you Google. More than you'll ever know. Who do those Canadians think they are anyways? What's that Canada? shhh...no, I didn't mean it, now keep it down before Google hears us...

P.P.P.S Think you can hook me up with one of those gmail accounts?