website statistics Sprizee :: A simple girl replete with complications: August 2004

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Gmail

I've got 6 gmail invites burning a hole in my pocket. Anyone interested? I just give...and I give...and I give people. Seriously (except not really).

But seriously, seriously. Don't be this guy.

Update: I thought I didn't need to post the drill, because I figured you guys are all intelligent enough to figure out what the drill is but apparently not (except for AoB but then again he's a lawyer so it figures). Okay people. Take notes. In order for me to send you* an invite, I need your current email address otherwise there's no way for me to send you an invite. Get it?

*Mark

Monday, August 30, 2004

Me? I'm brillant. Thanks for asking.

So today I left work early because I was scheduled to attend an event at The Bell Harbor Conference Center. Only one minor problem. I arrived a little early. Well, actually more than a little early...one month to be exact. Because it's scheduled for September 30th, not August 30th. Man, I'm brillant. We're talking sparkling diamond brillant folks.

Wait, it gets better. So then HFH called me in the afternoon and we decided to go walking around Greenlake, only she's just wrapping up some volunteer work for the Democrats so she says let's meet at 7pm. So I say, okay sounds good, and if I can't make it I'll call you before that. So then she, being a normal person, takes that to mean that unless I call her we're meeting at 7pm, and me, being the freak that I am, takes that to mean that I'll call her either way and we can decide what time to meet even though, clearly, we've already done that. So long story short, I call her at 7:30 and she's not home...because she's been waiting for me at Greenlake for the past 30 minutes.

Fuck me. Today is decidedly not my day. Or HFH's day, for that matter, thanks to me.

P.S. So brillant, that I just realized I've mis-spelled brilliant at least 4 times already. Good work Sprizee, good work.

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y Night

[Queue The Bay City Rollers Saturday Night]

Saturday Night included a visit to Teddy's on 65th and ultimately ended up on Capitol Hill at Nemo's with some Belguim Frittes in hand.


No problem


Sprizee's feet


Special guest appearance by Sally's feet (once she figured out how to take a photo without her chest getting in the way)

P.S. Wheelson is clearly over thinking the shoe thing. Remember GIRLS AREN'T LOGICAL so trying to apply logic to a girl will never work. Never. Ever. Unless, or course, that logic includes a rationalization for buying some shoes. If that's the case, well then, that is another story.

Sunday, August 29, 2004

Why girls like shoes so much

A few days ago, Wheelson posted the following comment:

If you can figure out why girls like shoes so much, write it down and publish it...you'll be rich. For me trying to figure it out is like trying to think about four dimensional spacetime curving...actually thinking about curvature of four dimentional spacetime is easier (you saw that one coming right).

Wheelson, I'm glad you asked. Allow me to enlighten you and the rest of the male population because, I think I can speak with some authority when I say I know a thing or two about shoes. After all, I am the inventor of the SprizeeCam™.

The reason that girls love shoes so much is simple. There’s no mystery or hidden meaning. We love shoes because our shoe size (barring freak accidents or pregnancy, neither of which I've had misfortune of experiencing yet) remains constant. In other words, no matter how many Krispy Kreme donuts, Hershey chocolate bars or deep fried snacks one inhales, those shoes you bought on a whim will still, almost certainly, fit.

So shop away and eat all you want, your shoes will never mock you unlike that skirt you bought two weeks ago after convincing yourself it would fit great once you lost those 5 lbs. you’ve been meaning to shake off at the gym for the last two years. And unlike that stupid skirt that won’t zip up, your shoes will never remind you that you shouldn’t have indulged in that extra desert. No sir.

Sure they may make your feet uncomfortable or give you horrible blisters, but at least, they will also make you seem not quite so vertically challenged adding three whole inches to your height and/or tying your entire outfit together by matching your purse and your belt*...and that is what they call an elegant solution. Whatever that means.

P.S. I hope Wheelson was right about that rich thing because I could really go for some new shoes right about now.

*Ladies, I was only joking. Please don’t match your belt, shoes and purse. That is decidedly not cool.

Seattle Army Navy Surplus Store


Saturday afternoon I wandered around downtown window shopping. I have many regrets surrounding how I framed this photo but at the top of the list is accidently cropping out the male manequin to the bikini's left who was fashionably sporting a gas mask and a bazooka.

I made the mistake of wandering inside this store, only to quickly realize I was way over my head, surrounded by sketchy men and weapons of every shape, size and color. I figured no one inside would take too kindly to having a photo taken, so I kept my camera in my purse and my mouth shut mainly because I enjoy full use of both my arms and my legs and also because I'm a baby. When a sales clerk asked if I needed assistance with anything, I took that to mean "move it or lose it". Avoiding bodily injury by mere seconds*, I fled the store.

Needless to say, I didn't stick around to try on the bikini. It's just as well. Swimming, gun toting and me decidedly could never mix. Not because I think there's anything wrong with that, but more because I never was particularly good at the multi-tasking.

*I may be exaggerating slightly. I also may have just mis-spelled exaggerating.

Italiano Nationale Anthemio

Or why my dude is cooler than your dude.

Tonight I watched the Athens Olympics which included the medal ceremony for the mens marathon. I'm not even going to mention how much it turns my stomach to think about that poor guy that was in first place until some nutjob decided to push him. Yep, definetely not going to mention it. No way.

Anyway some Italian got the gold and during the medal ceremony while playing the Italian National Anthem, I turned to my dude who was singing along to the anthem and for a split second I thought, wow, he knows the words. Now that's cool! Then I realized he wasn't singing the real lyrics, just the names of different Italian dishes he knew...Spaghetti, Fettincine Alfredo...Antipasta!

Sorry, ladies. He's already taken.

P.S. Happy 30th Birthday Joelie!


Now about that iPod. You realize that I'll be wanting that back, right?

Friday, August 27, 2004

To postpone or delay needlessly

I took my procrastination to new heights today when, in a desperate attempt to avoid actually working at work, I pulled up amazon.com and read all the reviews I could find for a book called (and get this because, this my dears, is the kicker) Execution: The Discipline of Getting Things Done by Larry Bossidy & Ram Charan.

I’m not even going to mention the additional time that was wasted recounting this activity. I think it’s quite clear who’s next in line to win an award for the most innovative procrastination to date...or is certain to be fired...which ever comes first. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for that award (despite the fact that the firing undoubtedly has better odds).

Unemployment, who’s your girl?

Sidenote: I should have realized this morning I wasn't going to get any actual work done today and agreed to skip it and volunteer with Headstart for Happiness at the Democratic Fundraiser at Beneroya Hall tonight. Oh well. At least HFH is out there changing the world. HFH? You go on with your big bad self.

My dinner with Headstart for Happiness

Last night instead of going to the gym after work like I normally do (and running until I feel completely numb), I dropped by Headstart for Happiness' place and had a good old fashion girly heart to heart.

We ended up at Pies & Pints on 65th conversing amidst loud music and soft lighting; exchanging stories about movies, music and friends but almost always returning to the same topic - love.







I can’t say for sure that I really figured anything out but sometimes it’s just good to talk and know that the person who’s listening completely understands where you’re coming from and why listening to Elton John’s I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues rips out your heart and leaves you with only a smudgy face and teary eyes EVERY SINGLE TIME you hear it and so she gives you the advice to stop listening to that crap and hands you a really good Blur album instead.

If I could summarize how much her friendship means to me, I would, but I can't because I'm not that gifted of a writer and when I start to explain something it normally ends up all muddled and confused.

You’re just going to have trust me on this one. Everyone needs a friend like her.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Closed toed shoes in the summer?

What the hell?

That can only mean one thing. It rained AGAIN.



That's right folks. I finally got my black mary janes.

That doesn't mean my fantasy with buying this shoe is over. It's not. Far from it. In fact, I might just wander over to nordstrom.com and buy it. Maybe even today. Stranger things have been known to happen.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

I had lunch with Jesus

No seriously. 2 days in a row.

Okay, so technically it wasn’t Jesus but lordy, lordy this guy sure looks likes Jesus. Long wavy hair? Check. Facial hair? Check. No clothing with visible logos? Check. Vegetarian (except for fish)? Check. Hasn't been to a mall in over 3 years? Check. I mean, seriously, this dude has got the Jesus factor down.

I’d post pictures but I didn’t take any because I didn’t want to explain to him why I was taking his photo. Besides who’d really go for someone random person they just met taking their photo to post on this random person’s blog. I may be a little odd, but I didn’t want to be that girl.

Anyway, yesterday when we were at Appleby’s* he ordered a big platter of vegetables, you know, just like you’d expect Jesus to do (if he ever went to Appleby’s). Today, we met at The Keg and, true to form (well at least the one I’ve already conjured up in my head), he ordered the closest thing to fish and loaves he could find on the menu….fish and chips. Lawd almighty, this Jesus dude is, in a word, awesome.

So, I realize at this point you must be asking yourself, “C’mon Sprizee. Is he really that Jesus like?” and here’s my response. Yes, take my word for it and stop asking stupid questions. That and also he’s totally mellow and passive (except when it comes to G.W. Bush). Now I know that Jesus didn’t live in a time with Appleby’s or The Keg or SUVs or the like, but I do know he was all about common sense…and realizing the G.W. Bush is an idiot that needs to go IS COMMON SENSE therefore from this day forward I will be referring to this guy strickly as Jesus (in my head).

*If I wasn’t so lazy or overwhelmed with work I’d photoshop Jesus into a picture of Appleby’s but I am so for now you’re just going to have to old school that visual and conjure it up in your head.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Who falls for this shit?

FROM: BARRISTER JOHN ADE
No. 23, keffi street ikoyi,lagos
TEL: 234-8033741005
EMAIL: john_ade307@yahoo.com I think what he’s trying to say by handing out his email is “please flood my email account with C-R-A-P” or at least that’s what I hope you do…

Attn: INSERT NAME HERE , Nothing says personalized email like "insert name here"

It is with trust and believe that I write to you, though I don't know you neither have I seen you before, but my confidence was reposed On you.

I am Barrister JOHN ADE a Solicitor at Law also the personal attorney to WILLIAM CARSON a National of your Country resident in Nigeria, He was also a Contractor with one of the Government Parastatals, who excuted a contract with the NIGERIA NATIONAL PETROLUM CORPORATION (N.N.P.C) here in Nigeria before his dead. Oh, his grammar isn't that good. This MUST be the real deal. Insert eye rolling here.

Unfortunately, my client died... blah, blah, blah...this part was so boring I didn't even read it in an attempt to avoid work, so I'm saving you and cutting it out...after these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to contact you to help me and claim this money valued at US$15.5million as the next of kin of my dear cliant before it gets confisicated or declared unserviceable by the NNPC . He keeps talking but all I hear it blah, blah, blah...get to the part where you ask for my credit card and bank account information.

Therefore, on receipt of your positive response, I shall then discuss the sharing ratio and modalities for transfer. I have all necessary information for the claim. All I require from you is your honest cooperation to enable us see this transaction through. I guarantee you that this will be executed under legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Your response is only what I am waiting for as I have put all machineries that will be instrumental to the success of the transaction in motion.Also I would be grateful if this mail will be favoured with an early reply.

And now, my favorite part of the email...

NOTE: I know there may be scams and junk mails flying here and there on the internet but certainly, this is not one. Now I urge you to take this message seriously and with an open mind,
with good faith and trust. Join me and I am assuring you now that you will never be disappointed.

Best regards,

Barrister JOHN ADE
Please contact me directly on my email: john_ade307@yahoo.com Yes, please do! or you can reach me on 234-80-33741005 for further details. Even better! Flood him with phone calls. What do you care? It's not your dime, most likely its your company's so GO FOR IT!!!

NOTE: PLEASE ALL I WANT FROM YOU TO DO IS TO STAND AS THE NEXT OF KIN
TO WILLIAM CARSON,SO YOU WILL BE REQUIRED TO BRING YOUR FULL NAME, YOUR FULL ADDRESS, YOUR PRIVATE TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBER, YOUR BANK DETAILS. THIS INFORMATIONS WILL CARRY OUT BY MAKING CHANGES OF YOUR NAME AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO WILLIAM CARSON. ONCE I MADE THE CHANGES AS THE NEXT OF KIN I WILL SEND YOU THE LEGAL DOCUMENTS THAT WILL BACK YOU UP. Seriously, anyone who falls for this scam should have to sit in the corner for about 5 minutes...or forever, and think about why they're so stupid. That, and sign an agreement that they will never EVER breed.

Watch me pull an expletive out of the radio

And for my next trick, watch as the rental car (yes, I still have the stupid beast car from hell because apparently the parts shop has yet to send over the correct part) adds insult to injury via the in dash radio and curses at me...

Sure, I could bore you with the details surrounding how and why this happened, but wouldn't it be more fun to make up your own story?

I'll be the judge* of that.

*Bonus points will be generously handed out if you continue my theme of slamming the stupid, ugly, beast rental car from hell in new innovative ways. Non-creative methods will be handsomely rewarded as well.

Monday, August 23, 2004

Rainy Days and Mondays


Friday Night the weather was ehhhh, but dry.


Then Saturday arrived and it starting raining. It didn't stop until Sunday.

Despite the rain, I made my way to Bellingham and spent some quality time with Wheelson and the wife. It was fun to revisit some WWU haunts, among them: Cellphane Square, Casa Que Pasa and perhaps not so exciting (although much improved since I attended WWU and worked there part time) The Bellis Fair.

At any rate, this weather has put me in a funk and I can't get the tune Rainy Days and Mondays out of my head. How appropriate. Something about the weather has suddenly thrown me back in the midst of feelings and emotions I thought I was completely over. Funny how your memory can be sparked by something so simple or obscure as a cloudy sky and some rain. Actually, now that I stop and think about it, it's not really funny...just down right cruel.

Friday, August 20, 2004

Phat Daddy deserves a beat down

Yesturday, on my way to work while driving across Lake Washington I noticed this guy weaving in and out of traffic on the 520 floating bridge. He was tailgating and switching lanes like he was playing a video game on fast forward. Anyway, the point is that's not why he deserves a beat down. He deserves a beat down because his license plate is "PHATDDY".


Sorry, I didn't get the plate which was on the back, but I think I did a damn fine job taking this photo considering a) I wasn't looking when I took it b) I wasn't looking when I took it and c) refer to a and b.

I'm not above selling stuff to you

(if it benefits my friends)

Listen up people. My friend Seth is looking for a new housemate since my other friend Danny decided to abandon ship and buy a house a couple weeks after they signed a new 12 month lease. Go figure. Anyhoo, here's the house for rent in Seattle.

P.S. Contrary to what the listing says he is neither an "occasional drinker*" or "sane". Consider yourself warned. ;)

*Unless (of course) occasional now means every other day, often before noon, which it very well could...I never could keep up with the kids and their crazy lingo.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Car of the (Buick) Century

My car is still at the auto repair shop. It was supposed to be fixed in 3 days. 3 days came and went yesterday, so this morning I called them to see what the deal was. The deal is they found more damage once they actually pulled off the bumper of my car…which means they need some extra parts that they don’t have in stock…which means they had to order these parts for a VW dealer…which means it’s going to take forever for these parts to arrive…which means it's going to take forever and a day for my car to be fixed…which means for now I’ll be driving around in the rental car for a longer amount of time than I had originally anticipated.

But it’s not all bad. There are some benefits to the hoopty beast rental car from hell.

Exhibit A Unlike my Passat this car’s driver side window actually has a functioning switch. I forgot what a luxury it is to be able to roll down your window, like where and when ever you want, even if it’s just on a whim and then you decide to roll it back up. You have no idea how many times I’ve rolled down the rental car’s window, just to roll it back up. Ha! Ha! Take that you stupid beast!

Exhibit B The mileage kicks some serious ass. Either that, or the fuel tank gauge is broken because it’s telling me it’s still on full and that’s simply not possible.

Exhibit C The bench seats are super, duper comfortable. Now I understand why old people drive so fucking slow. They’re in no hurry to get where they’re going, because their car is too damn comfortable. Well, it should be. After all, it is the size of a small RV.

Exhibit D But if you’ve got a lead foot like I do, then this bad boy can really haul some ass, assuming (of course) you don’t fall prey to the lure of the cushy bench seats and just decide to take a nap…right there…sitting up…with a steering wheel for a pillow. Sweet dreams.

About a few of the someones I know

Someone I know is in lub. Not in love mind you, in loooove.

Someone I know has just purchased a house.

Someone I know is leaving for Iceland this weekend on holiday.

Someone I know just got back from NYC and has plans to be in Prague mid-October. Word.

Someone I know left some stuff at my apartment a couple weeks ago and I completely spaced on mailing it back to them until yesturday and now it looks like I'll be visiting this person in a couple days so I'll probably get there before the package does. Oops.

Someone I know recently purchased a condo.

Someone I know is constantly asking to be invited to a BBQ but, inevitably, never shows up when there actually is a BBQ.

Someone I know recently went on unemployment and couldn’t be enjoying it more.

Someone I know is slowly killing themselves with food and I can’t do a damn thing about it.

Someone I know did me wrong but that's okay. Karma is a bitch and so, for now, that is a comforting enough thought to keep me from a) completely going insane or b) kicking their ass. That, and then there's the part about me being a complete and utter wuss.

Someone I know is going through a divorce and I wish her all the best. That’s a tough one because breaking up is hard to do, even if its for all the right reasons.

Someone I know just bought the same digital camera as mine and I’m totally going to steal the battery if I ever actually meet this person.

Someone I know is more loving and caring and understanding than you can ever imagine and I couldn’t be more grateful for that.

Disclaimer: Just in case you're wondering, for the record, and just because I'm free to say whatever I damn well please here, all people listed above are indeed actual people that I’ve met with the exception of the digital camera listing. That’s obviously Murphy.

Hey Murphy? What’s that over there?

[grabs camera battery and runs away]

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Dear Greater Seattle Area Boat Owner,

Ahoy! Sorry, I couldn’t resist. I promise that will be the first and last time I use that phrase.

Okay. Listen up people. I know there’s someone out there that owns a boat and wants to take me sailing or cruising or whatever else it is people do when on the water in a boat. Well, here’s your chance. I’m willing and able to be your shipmate. Yes, you heard right. Now you can be accompanied by your own personal Sprizee, but don’t delay because, after all, there is only one of me to go around folks.

Offer good for a limited time only (basically that’s up until the point in which I decide the weather is no longer appropriate for sailing or until October 9th when I blow this popsicle stand of a country and run off to Europe for 3 weeks, whichever comes first).

Offer includes the following guarantees*:

1) I will gaze at you adoringly, tell you you’re a good captain and pretend to be really interested in all the boring aspects of your boat.

2) I’ll reply “aye aye” whenever you ask me to do something.

3) I won’t make any jokes about your peg leg (imaginary or otherwise).

4) I won’t get seasick (but more importantly, if I do, I’ll make sure to throw up off the boat, not on the boat).

5) If your crew gets feisty, I’ll do everything in my power to stop the mutiny, which to be honest probably won’t be very much seeing as how a) I can’t lift more than 8lbs. b) I fight like a girl and c) I am not willing to put myself in a situation that would tear my skirt or scuff up my heels.

6) I won't sing "Anchors Away" unless, of course, you make a special request and if that's the case, I'll belt it out like I'm Whitney Houston singing for her last vile of crack.

7) I won't repeat over and over at nausea lines from the movie "What About Bob", again, unless of course you want me to, which I'm sure you won't. Like you haven't heard that one before. I'm sailing! I'm sailing! Please.

Now don’t all rush at me at me at once. I promise to give thoughtful and careful consideration to each and every one of your requests for my presence on your boat. Good luck. May the best boat owner win**!

*Offer not guaranteed.
**Actual winning refers to NOT having to spend any extended amount of time with me (say, more than 15 minutes) on a boat.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Sprizee's Super Secret Security Badge

Try saying that 10 times fast.

So yesturday I was at Federal Center South for a super secret class on what must remain, for the sake of your safety, an undisclosed and highly classified subject*. And just like you would expect they've really beefed up security since 9/11. So, anyway, the wimpy rent-a-cop type security guard that made me put my purse on the x-ray machine and walk through the metal detector thingamajig was a total pushover and I'm pretty sure, had I been so inclined, could have easily distracted him with a simple "Hey, what's that over there?" but I'm nice so I played along, nodded politely and acted like he wielded authority over me, even though clearly he did not.

Anyway, the point is after I got through security (Suckers! I had some nail clippers in my purse. Muhwahahaha!) they had me sign in and then gave me a security badge to wear around the building. I had the urge to take some pictures of the interior of the building but before I even took the camera out of my purse, I was already playing out the scene in my head. I take pictures, people start asking questions and the next thing I know, they're hauling me down to CIA headquarters where they start referring to me as a terrorist spy and giving me the good cop bad cop routine. No thanks.

So, instead I opted to just duck into the restroom and snap a quick shot of my super secret (and totally awesome!) security badge.

Super secret security badge. I got me some clearance.

*It was a free class put on by USPS on the topic of bulk mail. Wait, that's not even the sad part. The sad part is that I was actually excited to go to the class and learn all the ins and outs of bulk mailing. All the cool kids take one step forward. Sprizee? No so fast.

Monday, August 16, 2004

Adventures in Car Renting

Life lesson #183

When dropping your car off at the garage for repair in the morning you will inevitably neglect to grab the garage remote from your car which you won't notice until you're about to enter your parking garage later that same night. And, of course, by then when you're sitting in front of your parking garage gate with no way to open the door, you'll also surely have no way to back up and make a quick, sane exit without multiple cars having to reverse and back up behind you. Oh, yes, it will be quite the fun experience.

So take note girl. For future reference, please write in sharpie ON YOUR FOREHEAD, "I am a fucking moron. Please remind me to grab my garage remote because clearly it is a mystery how I even dressed myself this morning. Thanks so kindly". Also, an "I heart Saab" shirt wouldn't hurt either but for completely unrelated reasons.

Whatever, it's probably just as well because I don't think the stupid rental would have fit in my parking space anyways.


I hate you, you stupid, beast of a car. You hear that? I HATE YOU.

Check out my ride*

Because, apparently, I'm 27 going on 65.

I dropped my lovely Passat off at the autobody shop this morning and in trade, and I use that term loosely mostly because I really don't think it was a fair trade, was given a Buick something or other. I believe the unofficial model name is the "the car that automatically makes you look like a dork, drive like a grandma and keep your left turn signal on at all times except, of course, when you're actually making a lefthand turn".

This four door beast is suppose to be a comparable to my car. Right. I'd rather they had just given me a compact size car because then at least I wouldn't have to pay for so much gas. That, and also because then I wouldn't have to worry about straying 2 inches in either direction and going out of my lane on the freeway.

I mean, really, what were they thinking? Nothing about me screams "this girl needs a four door sedan with bench seats". Yes, you heard correctly...THIS CAR HAS A FRONT BENCH SEAT. I didn't even know they still made bench seats. Too bad the only thing bench seats are good for are going to the drive-in movie because I don't know of any drive-ins around here.

Oh well, if you see some chick driving around in a 2003 Buick hoopty, please try not to point and laugh at me. It's not my car, just a rental. Honest.

*And by "ride" I mean my car. Get your mind out of the gutter (Johnny).

Saturday, August 14, 2004

A Starbucks "Tail"

Everyone knows the Starbucks logo, right? But what I bet most people don't know is that the current version of the logo is actually a modified version of the original. If you really don't know what the current version looks like, I suppose you've been living under a rock or in a coma for quite some time and in that case you should know the following information:

1) It is currently the year 2003, and by 2003 I mean 2004...and looking back "partying like its 1999" wasn't as cool as Prince made it sound unless you were a computer geek and thrived on freaking people out about computer issues (which you probably did, you bastard!)

2) President Bush has gone from simply an idiot to an insane dictator. No not that Bush, his son. Yea, no one knows exactly how the fuck that happened either but suffice to say it involved lots of people's votes being miscounted and a few sketchy supreme court rulings.

3) Never trust anyone who tells you there is a three.

4) Everyone carries around their own personal phone and it's not only perfectly acceptable to anwser it any and every where, but also expected that you talk really, REALLY loud when doing this.

5) There's this thing called the Internet which was invented by this obscure politican named Al Gore (oh yea, and he used to be the Vice President too).

6) Almost everyone has this thing called a blog, short for web log, where they list a bunch of boring, mundane details about their life and then pretend they're really popular and funny and that people can't wait for another update.

...but I digress. Oh and one more thing you should probably know...

7) The Starbucks Logo looks like this.

So where was I? Oh yes, back to the Starbucks logo discussion. The first Starbucks store was opened in a place called The Pike Place Market in downtown Seattle.


Pike Place

Original Starbucks

The original logo

To Starbucks Corporate's credit, they didn't fuck with the original logo at the original store. As you can see the original mermaid has a rack and a spread eagle crotch, I mean, tail. It's clear the PR folks took one look at this lady and decided she needed a makeover.

So now all you poor fools that don't live in Seattle know the real story about the Starbucks mermaid. They amputated her breasts, covered her buried treasure and thought no one would be the wiser. Please. You and I know better.

Well, I knew better and now you do too. After all, education is my primary objective on this website. I'm nothing if not educational*.

*You're right. I'm not very educational. Sorry folks. That's all I got.

Friday, August 13, 2004

Enough about you, let’s talk about me

How did you find my site?

*This is a recipe for absolutely no comments seeing as how ever other time I've asked questions like this via my blog the comments section stays empty until I post a picture of my feet and then there’s a flurry of activity about some random topic (normally completely unrelated to before mentioned feet photo).

**In honor of my favorite TV show, Jeopardy!, I request that you please respond in the form of a question. I don’t even know what this mean.

P.S. Anyone in the Seattle area know of a good DJ? I need to find one for an upcoming company party that I'm planning for November. Please recommend away, because after all, it's not your ass on the line, it's mine.

P.P.S Last year we had this lame-o dj that started playing Michael Jackson (and this right after the scandal broke out about him with the little kids, yet again) and then this DJ had the nerve to tell the owner of the company that he was tired and wanted to go home when he was asked to play one more song. The dude was dressed in jeans for the party and it was a black tie event! Needless to say we won't be using him again.

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

520 Westbound


The only good thing about my commute.

*Yes, I took this photo while driving.

Yet another annoying Internet quizlet

1. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR BEDROOM WALLS? White. Hey, I rent.

2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? I Call The Shots: Straight talk about the game of Golf by Johhny Miller. (It was an impulse by buy at Costco)

3. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Bridgeman Art Gallery. (A Getty Brand)

4. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Pictionary.

5. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? CommArts

6. FAVORITE SMELL? Ralph Lauren Polo otherwise known as the scent of the perfect man. (Banana Republic M isn't bad either)

7. FAVORITE COLOR? Pink!

8. LEAST FAVORITE COLOR? Gray. (Actually I like gray but get it near my face and I look like the walking dead)

9. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOUR ANSWERING MACHINE PICKS UP? Two. (And that is really fucking annoying)

10. MOST IMPORTANT MATERIAL THING IN MY LIFE? Adobe Illustrator. (I love Adobe!)

11. FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ICE CREAM? Butter Pecan

12. DO YOU BREAK THE SPEED LIMIT DAILY? Yes. (Who doesn't?)

13. DO YOU HAVE A STUFFED ANIMAL IN YOUR ROOM SOMEWHERE? Yes. (I have no defense for this because there is no legitimate defense for this)

14. STORMS - COOL OR SCARY? Scary. (I'm a wuss.)

15. FAVORITE DRINK? Capecod. (That's a VodkaCran to all you Canadians in the crowd)

16. WHEN IS YOUR BIRTHDAY? March 27, 1977

17. FAVORITE VEGETABLES? Fresh tomatoes.

18. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Freelance Graphic Design. (Don't be shy. I know you want to hire me. It's okay. I won't bite.)

19. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY COLOR HAIR, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Light brown.

20. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Yes.

21. TOP THREE FAVORITE MOVIES (IN ORDER)? Office Space, The Secretary, Bladerunner. (Dr. Strangelove is really good too)

22. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? Yes.

23. WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED? A foldable mattress.

24. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? Who has a favorite number?

25. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH ON TV & IN PERSON? Golf. (I know. I'm lame.)

26. WHAT IS YOUR SINGLE BIGGEST FEAR? Right, like I'm going to tell you.

27. FAVORITE CD OF ALL TIME & RIGHT NOW? Anything U2. Keane.

28. FAVORITE TV SHOW OF ALL TIME & RIGHT NOW? Seinfeld. I love the 90s.

29. HAMBURGERS OR HOT DOGS? Hotdog.

30. THE COOLEST PLACES YOU’VE EVER BEEN? Banff, Alberta. (August 2003)

31. WHAT WALLPAPER AND/OR SCREENSAVER IS ON YOUR COMPUTER RIGHT NOW? A corporate image I created for my company which has pretty pictures and people's phone extensions. I know it sounds lame but it's not...I swear!

32. DOES MCDONALD’S SKIMP ON YOUR FRIES & DO YOU CARE? Are you kidding? No, they don't skimp. That's why my hips look like this.

33. FAVORITE CHAIN RESTAURANT(s)? Quinzos. (Subway is so going down for the count)

34. IF YOU HAVE A BOY (OR HAVE ANOTHER BOY) WHAT WOULD YOU NAME HIM? Next.

35. IF YOU COULD LEARN TO PLAY ONE INSTRUMENT OVERNIGHT, WHAT WOULD IT BE? The piano. (I had piano lessons when I was a kid but I never practiced and after two years of complaining my mom finally caved and let me quit. Way to go Mom! What did I know? I was just a kid...[smirk])

36. WHERE DID YOU GET THIS FROM? Murphy who got this from AoB who got things from...[and so on and so forth]

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Grocery Store Synchronicity Challenge

Okay folks. It's time to face the challenge front and center right here.

Well, what are you waiting for? Go!

Bonus points if you can somehow manage to combine a starter, entree and desert all from the same section. Don't know what the hell I'm talking about? Well, that's because you didn't listen the first time and just go here already. Now go!

P.S. If that doesn't float your boat, Nordy's is having a huge sale. If one were so inclined they could buy lots of cute skirts and shirts for cheap, well comparatively cheap...not that I'm so inclined...even though I totally am. I'm a bad, bad girl.

Pancake Haus

So last Saturday while en route to a free travel class up in Edmonds put on by none other than Rick Steves I drove by the mother of all pancake houses. Lordy, lordy. I had the best sourdough pancakes EVER. Hold the maple. Pass the butter.


You know it's good when there's an ambulance hauling away an old person out front. That's how I wanna go out.

Seriously, there were TWO ambulances and they really were hauling some old person out. I had to sneak this photo on the sly because his wife or sister or whatever was outside the ambulance and I didn't want to be completely insensitive just snapping away in the face of tragedy. I think did a pretty good job framing considering that I didn't have time to look through the viewfinder or even steady the camera. Bravo to me. Give me my props.

Pancakes. Enough said.

The carnage.

Monday, August 09, 2004

Yet another exciting weekend recap

My friend Danny bought himself a house this weekend. I, for one, didn't even realize he was in looking until I was invited to dinner at his current rental house in celebration. Man, can that boy cook! I don't think I need to tell you that it totally rocks to have a friend who is a professional chef.

It's fair to say I'm coveting his purchase so fiercely, I could very well be solely responsible for the weather heating up to a near 90 degree misery today.

Lessons learned this weekend:

1) Mustard is best summed up simply "spice and funk" as in "Would you like some spice and funk on your dog or are you completely lame and going to cover it in ketcup?"

2) Spagetti Squash is appropriately named because once cooked the squash seperates into spagetti like threads of goodness.

3) When you call your friend on your cellphone and get her voicemail and leave her a message telling her to call you back if she wants to come over and join the party you shouldn't, I repeat SHOULD NOT, then put your cellphone back in your purse and return to the other room. Otherwise, if she does call back (which she will) you won't get the message until right before you leave as you're picking up your purse on the way out the door and by then, obviously, it's too late. Sorry Misty!

4) When traveling in Europe, it's best to pack light. I was so struggling with this one until I came to the realization that I would either have to carry around whatever I needed or buy it there. Dude! I'm all about buying it there.

5) If you go to REI expecting to find practical shoes for walking around Europe that are also cute, you're going to be sorely dissappointed. REI doesn't do cute.

6) Bǿrn makes a shoe they call Jeopardy. Come to mama.

Now THAT is a Plant Lady!

A while back I wrote a little rant about the Plant Lady in my office. I still stand behind that rant 110%, even though, if I'm going to be honest, I think it's mentally defective when people say they're standing behind something above and beyond the full capacity of 100%, you know, just to prove how committed they are to something...but what can I say? I'm an enigma.

The point is Lee posted this killer picture of the Plant Lady at The Seattle Library. Now THAT is a Plant Lady I could get behind!

Smile Like You Mean It

Two Things. Quickly.

One. I just heard a song on the KEXP by The Killers called Smile Like You Mean It and it makes me want to run out and buy the whole album, Hot Fuss.

Two. When I got to work I immediately tried to search for this song on allmusic.com and was surprised to see they had changed the format. Now, apparently, you have to login to access the information (slightly annoying) but once logged in you have access to more functionality (awesome!), including sample tracks (double awesome!).

[smiling like I mean it]

Friday, August 06, 2004

WiFi

I just spent a good 15 minutes roaming around my office building with the sales labtop hoisted high above my head desperately looking for a decent WiFi signal. I finally found one in the hallway that converges at 3, count 'em three!, doors. I figured I could just sneak into one of those offices and be okay, but nooooooo, the labtop wasn't having any of that because as soon as I sat down like a normal person at a desk the signal dropped back down to low. Screw it. I'll just work on something else. Besides I really wasn't planning on getting anything done today anyways.

I mean, what do they expect? Serving me up spiked punch with lunch! Seriously, that's like a free pass with "No work required by you shall be completed today" written ALL OVER IT (in crayons no less!).

Note to self: Don't put the sales labtop briefcase right by your chair or you'll trip over it (again). Yeah that, or simply don't drink at work. As if.

P.S. I just emailed myself the article I've been working on for going on two plus weeks now with the following subject line: "YOU MUST WORK ON THIS! NO, I'M SERIOUS! :(" Man, I'm pathetic. It's so not going to happen.

Sleepless Vol. II

Here I am once again. Trapped in the same vicious cycle of sleeplessness and worrying and thinking TOO DAMN MUCH.

Kids, don't try this at home. No matter what your parents and teachers and friends and the government tells you, ESPECIALLY the government, thinking is normally not very productive. In fact, thinking is totally overrated. Think about how much people could get accomplished if they just stopped thinking about stuff so much and starting actually doing all that stuff they've been thinking about.

Yes, yes, I realize I just asked you to think about that. I'm quite the conundrum, aren't I?

Anyways, I don't really believe thinking is overrated. My point is my body is tired but my mind is too busy thinking to respond properly. I thought I'd be able to think of something witty to wrap this up, but I can't because the irony is I'm tired and therefore unable to think properly yet not tired enough to stop all thinking and just go to bed already. Whatever. Goodnight.

Clearly I'll be up for at least another hour thinking about how much this post stinks among other things. Life's rough.

[sigh]

Thursday, August 05, 2004

Smug bastard needs beat down

Today, I've got nothing.

Check this out.

I'm glad Bush finally figured out honesty is the best policy.

P.S. Screw India. I decided it wasn't worth splitting my time between work and vacation. I figured out I’d much rather JUST do the holiday thing full time, so I'm running off to Europe mid-October. [insert applause here] Someone better warn Paris. And Prague. And Amsterdamn. Oh, not because I’m going but because my friends are sure to follow and they’re quite the little devils.

Europe? Brace yourself.

[smirk]

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

I could really go for a pancake right about now...

...covered in melted butter. Mmmmmm. Yea that, or it being 5:00pm. Either one would float my boat, so to speak, at the moment.

The moral is, if you're coming to see me in the next few hours, either come bearing pancakes or the ability to speed up time.

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

re: where you at girl?

I am at work desperately attempting to get an article regarding offsource outsourcing completed before I run to the airport and pick up Headstart for Happiness. Apparently those that live on the dole get to go on long extended vacations, sleep in until noon, watch all the cable they want and often wait until 10.30pm (on weekdays!) to call people up and invite them out for cocktails.

I wish I was liv'n on the dole.

Monday, August 02, 2004

Jerry O'Connell Jerk Poker

To the person who found my site based on the following search "jerry o'connell jerk poker":

You're my kind of people. Stop by any time.

Sunday, August 01, 2004

Happy Birthday Danny!


Today is Danny's birthday. Last night, in honor of the occasion we dined at The Palace Kitchen.


I* am coveting Danny's birthday presents so fiercely my glare quite possibly ignited a forest fire; perhaps even multiple forest fires. But seriously, who doesn't love birthday presents. Give them to me! All of them!


Because there was some serious drinking involved, it kind of slipped my mind that I should get at least one good group shot. As you can see this didn't happened. By the way, don't ask. I have no idea.


Apparently after a cosmo and a couple glasses of red wine I like to tap dance in the street.


What a bunch of asses! Okay, that was bad I realize but how could I resist?


And, of course, the manatory obligatory shot of my feet.

Once we finished up dinner and after much drunken debating in the street, it was decided we would meet up at Aaron's house and drown ourselves in his yummy hot tub. While we did indeed soak in said tub, few pictures were taken there mostly because we were preoccupied by all the drinking. That, and we were in a hot tub and I don't know if you've heard or not but electronics and water decidedly do not mix. We did, however, figure out that mixing Gatorade with Vodka isn't half bad (according to some). I passed on that though. I've already got my quota of retardolites thank you very much.

I could tell what happened on into the wee hours of the morning, but then I'd have to kill you or rather if I told you, most likely, you'd die...of boredom. Let's just say the conversation included an angry drunken debate about football players and their worth or lack thereof depending on your perspective, the Democratic Convention, Justin Timberlake and plans around our trip to Europe among other things**.

*I am the one in Pink! suprise, suprise.
**I wish I was being coy. I'm not. I really don't remember what else we talked about but I'm sure it was very, very funny. Truly. My friends are quite funny but because I don't remember any specifics you're just going to have to trust me on this one.