How not to buy a couch.
1) Start at Ikea. 2 years ago. Decide all their furniture is crap.
2) Visit Dania. Decide you can't decide which color, fabric, couch combo you like.
3) Realize this is going to be more money than you expected.
4) Decide it doesn't make any sense to buy a couch until you move into your first house.
5) Sit for months neverending on uncomfortable, uninviting chairs passed down to you from your friends and family because you can't rationalize spending over a thousand dollars on some temporary couch that most likely won't fit in your first house and you'll have to end up giving it away.
6) Finally break down and decide that after years and years of living sans couch or comfortable chairs it's time to just cave and shell out some dough.
7) Make sure you have your camera so you can capture all the insanity but don't bother checking if the battery is dead and/or if you have a spare. It is and you don't.
8) Wait until the weather becomes unseasonally warm and inviting.
9) Proceed to spend the entire weekend inside, roaming from one furniture store to the next hoping to see at least one piece of furniture which does not scream, "Come over here and give grandmy a kiss".
9) Do something you never thought you'd do in this lifetime. Visit Levitz. Leave without a couch but with a new found fear of the "typical American" and what they consider stylish and comfortable. Hint: Crap.
10) See so many couches that you never want to see again but want so badly to share with the InternetS. It's not happening. Refer to #7.
11) Visit 2 more furniture stores and come to the realization that you may never find a couch that suits you but if things keep going the way they seem to be insanity will be your next stop.
12) Keep fingers crossed that insanity is actually your next stop. This couch shopping is getting tiresome and you could use some excitement in your life.
13) Be ridiculed by one salesman who asks you what's the hurry and tells you to slow down because they're open until 6pm and then, to top things off, says, "hey, we've got a 5mph speed limit so you better slow down [chuckle, chuckle]".
13) Kick yourself for not responding to the stupid salesman who asked if he could help you find something. "Yes. The door?" Store. Making. Me. Insane.
14) Once again reel back in sticker shock. Not only are all the couches ugly. They're also fucking expensive.
15) Decide maybe Ikea wasn't such a bad idea afterall.
16) Break down and buy a couch from Ikea.
17) Attempt to rationalize it.
18) Hang head in shame.
2) Visit Dania. Decide you can't decide which color, fabric, couch combo you like.
3) Realize this is going to be more money than you expected.
4) Decide it doesn't make any sense to buy a couch until you move into your first house.
5) Sit for months neverending on uncomfortable, uninviting chairs passed down to you from your friends and family because you can't rationalize spending over a thousand dollars on some temporary couch that most likely won't fit in your first house and you'll have to end up giving it away.
6) Finally break down and decide that after years and years of living sans couch or comfortable chairs it's time to just cave and shell out some dough.
7) Make sure you have your camera so you can capture all the insanity but don't bother checking if the battery is dead and/or if you have a spare. It is and you don't.
8) Wait until the weather becomes unseasonally warm and inviting.
9) Proceed to spend the entire weekend inside, roaming from one furniture store to the next hoping to see at least one piece of furniture which does not scream, "Come over here and give grandmy a kiss".
9) Do something you never thought you'd do in this lifetime. Visit Levitz. Leave without a couch but with a new found fear of the "typical American" and what they consider stylish and comfortable. Hint: Crap.
10) See so many couches that you never want to see again but want so badly to share with the InternetS. It's not happening. Refer to #7.
11) Visit 2 more furniture stores and come to the realization that you may never find a couch that suits you but if things keep going the way they seem to be insanity will be your next stop.
12) Keep fingers crossed that insanity is actually your next stop. This couch shopping is getting tiresome and you could use some excitement in your life.
13) Be ridiculed by one salesman who asks you what's the hurry and tells you to slow down because they're open until 6pm and then, to top things off, says, "hey, we've got a 5mph speed limit so you better slow down [chuckle, chuckle]".
13) Kick yourself for not responding to the stupid salesman who asked if he could help you find something. "Yes. The door?" Store. Making. Me. Insane.
14) Once again reel back in sticker shock. Not only are all the couches ugly. They're also fucking expensive.
15) Decide maybe Ikea wasn't such a bad idea afterall.
16) Break down and buy a couch from Ikea.
17) Attempt to rationalize it.
18) Hang head in shame.
posted by sprizee at Monday, March 07, 2005
10 Comments:
Wow - with witty salesmen like that it's no wonder the couches are flying out the door.
There, there spriz...it's OK, everything is ok now...it's all over...
Did you go to Levitz? I hear they have some neat sofas. Give them a try next time or the La-Z-Boy gallery. I love Southcenter. For those of you not from Seattle this is the area found just outside of most major cities known for its waterbed stores, furniture stores, and strip malls.
Yes, went to Levitz. In desperation. I didn't love it. Although I'm pretty sure my grandma would have. LZboy. Hell no. That shit isexpensive. And by shit I mean bright blue with wood paneling and cupholders on either side.
I tried to comment on your blog but after 3 minutes of spinning on the blogger redirect to comments page I passed out and gave up.
Does Ikeas still have the swedish meatballs? I use to love going there when I was in college - it was nearbly and the meatballs were just 3 bucks.
Are you kidding? Of course! That's the best part about Ikea.
Meatballs, potatoes and berries. Check.
Blue jello. Check.
Berry drink from the fountain soda thingy. Check.
Children running around knocking crap over that aren't mine.
Because the quickest way to win me over is with inexpensive food in a cafeteria filled with kids that are cute and I'm not responsible for. Amen.
Or a glass vase that's only $1.50 and comes in 5 different colors and shapes.
(And I'm not even in the market for a vase but who's gonna pass up that bargin? Not this fool.)
Furniture shopping is really when you become an adult.
To be an adult you must cave in, sell some of your soul, comform and spend hard earned money on something that has no electronics in it, you can't wear it and you can't eat it.
If you can't play with it or eat it, I have a hard time spending money on it. It's just too adult.
Thus the sofa epitomizes adultness.
If you have serious coin, then you can buy a sofa that is a work of art as much as it is furniture. Until I can buy art as furniture though, I'm stuck with affordable.
The other place to not go is a Sears funiture store, if they still exist. We saw a lazy boy type chair there that DID have electronics in it. The TV remote was built into the chair!
Levitz was only a joke. I am amazed you even went in there and I guess that shows how desperate the hunt had become.
Clearly you missed the bests about an Ikea visit. When you're in the kid's section, jump in the yellow and green stuffed snake bin and scare the shit out of a little kid. Repeat this exercise with the full length cabinets and armoires. Let me know how that goes.
P.S. try not to stare at all the hotties.
sprizo-
u love u the ikea couch.
u love u the ikea couch sex.
just one question tho...
is it pink?
Ah hell, I'm only on step 14,...
But so far you're DEAD ON sister, lol
Congrats on the couch purchase and the apparent retention of your lack of sanity!
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